Marion on November 16, 2016
If I'd planned to sin, I would've manscaped beforehand.

If I’d planned to sin, I would’ve manscaped beforehand.

This week on The Exorcist, Tomas continues to be useless, while Marcus does the heavy lifting, and Bennett reveals his superpowers. You can read my complete fascinating recap and/or catch up on all my recaps, over at The Agony Booth, which has now merged with Happy Nice Time People to create the snarkiest recapping beast on the planet.

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iron_chastity_belt_europe_wellcome_l0058586With the election of the Pussy-Grabber in Chief as President and the empowerment of his alt-right gamergate bros  no vagina is safe.  This isn’t your mama’s rape culture. It’s open season on women. The modern gal can expect her subway ride to be a grabfest, and don’t look for protection in the work place, you whiny bitch! Ha-ha-ha! It’s so cute when you get red-faced and indignant. Take is as a compliment! Get another job why don’t ya? Besides it’s all in good fun, right? It’s not like you own your vagina.

But ladies, don’t lose hope! A solution is at hand. I’m looking for investors to help bring back the chastity belt. Not the old-timey oppressive kind where men held the key, but a new belt for a new time that you can proudly wear over or under your clothes, a belt that puts you in charge. A Smart Belt (Trademark). No more messy urine holes! You simply slip the thing off to pee, or when it’s time to talk to your boss about a promotion.

The prototype is still being developed, but since the point is to keep grubby stubby fingers from entering the inner sanctum — or even making direct contact with it, we are probably looking for a strong, but light-weight, rust-proof rigid metal. (I hear you can that kind of thing cheap from China.)  Something that can be welded into a shape that won’t interfere with walking, running, yoga, Pilates or other daily activities.

Money is needed for development. We could use some design ideas for belts that can be worn during the day or in the evening. Belts that make a statement!  Belts that tease and belts that just say no. Designer belts and knock-offs.

Does anyone have a line to Ivanka? Something tells me she’d be interested.

(Please say thank you for the blogs by visiting the Amazon where you can find my cheap books.)

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exorcist-5-on-topWhen a show tells you they aren’t a sequel and then SURPRISE the show is totally a sequel is that a “twist” or is it a cheat? The Exorcist 2016 seems to be dying a slow death over on Fox, and I’m not sure the latest surprise is going to stem the bleeding. You can read my full recap (and analysis) of the last episode (and all that came before) over at The Agony Booth

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Marion on October 17, 2016

As this will probably be the only way I will EVER get my name in the New Yorker, I am thrilled to announce that I have won this week’s New Yorker cartoon contest. I’d show you my winning entry, but I’m afraid they’d sue me, so you can go here and see it for yourself.

I’ll wait.

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Wasn’t that fun? They shot me an email to tell me I was finalist and check how I wished to be identified. They also asked if I would like to share how I came up with my totally original caption that was probably similar to many others. I explained that I had lived with cats for a long time, so I often thought of what I’d say in that very situation.

It used to be the winner would get a signed copy of the cartoon with his or her caption on it, but they seem to have cut that service right out.  Still it is an honor to have won.

Would you like some advice on how to win the caption contest? Be funnier than everybody else.

(You can thank me for my awesome, life-changing, and totally free posts by checking out my books on Amazon. There’s no donation button, but nothing says thank you like buying a [cheap] book.)

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Marion on October 17, 2016

exorcist-4-mano-o-manoThis week on The Exorcist: Father Marcus learns a thing or two from some badass nuns who don’t need no stinking bishop’s approval, and begins to assemble his own Scooby Gang, as the show continues to develop it’s own mythology, which is less Catholic than the movie version, and more Buffy. You can read the whole detailed (but snarky) recap/analysis at The Agony Booth, which now holds the entire Happy Nice Time People archives.

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